you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
