Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
