Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
