He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
