Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
