Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize