I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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