I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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