I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
