Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
