Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
