i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
