I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
