it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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