Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize