Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
