I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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