Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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