She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
being pregnant is like rehab
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
