4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
