____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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