I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize