my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
