You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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