tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I showed him my bush... on skype.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
