My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
