i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
