the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
