WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
