How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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