I wanna passion pit in your ass
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
