my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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