There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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