Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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