YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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