The best revenge is premature balding
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
