The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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