And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
