this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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