i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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