Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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