have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize