apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
