she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize