I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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