I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
