So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
