I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
