I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
