So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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