Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
