You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
