I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
