I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
