Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
