are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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