Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize