Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
