I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
