she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
