I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
