so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
