just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize