Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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