First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
