so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
