So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
