the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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