no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
