I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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